I seem to have left my pride at pride
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
