I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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