we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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