'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
