too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize