Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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