i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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