What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
