margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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