We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
