Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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