From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
