You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wear drunk well.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
