Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
