Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
