if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
