I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
