my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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