I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have post one night stand depression
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
