fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
