I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
