Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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