I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
