Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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