Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
