Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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