My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
