He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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