I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
