He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
