Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
