There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
