just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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