Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
