3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's like heaven, but drunker
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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