so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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