it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
