I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
