In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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