Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
