When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
