I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize