Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
