Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
