my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize