Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
