I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
