I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
