Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
