when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize