why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
