All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
