Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
