The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
