I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I AM VODKA MAN
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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