the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will be naked everywhere
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize