I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
