Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize