super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
