I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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