Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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