at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
