o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
