So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
