So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
