Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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