I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
