time to smoke my breakfast
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We have started to decorate penises.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
