This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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