I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize