im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
