HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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