Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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