he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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