My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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