i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i've created a new STD.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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