drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
