I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
