Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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