Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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