Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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