Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
