is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
