why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
