you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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