I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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