So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
