Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Enjoy the penises
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
