party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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