it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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