im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
