Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
