I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
