Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Randomize
