I think my fart just growled at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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