he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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