we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
