Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dicks are not precious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
