We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
