i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
do nipples grow back?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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