just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sarcasm needs its own font
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
