Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize