I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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