Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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