hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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