Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
