maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
