i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
