we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
